Megan Simpson's Writing Portfolio

As 21st century college students, we’re faced with a wide variety of tech gadgets to enhance our ability to learn (or our ability to get likes on Instagram, which is equally important) so it can be hard to figure out exactly which devices are right for you. Now, you could go to a legit tech website and read a whole bunch of sophisticated reviews on Gigabytes and storage space and all that jazz, OR you could read my super-biased but maybe-funny review on what REALLY works, and what REALLY doesn’t.

So here’s my super awesome Modern College Technology Review:

1. Laptops that are Macs.

These babies are my world. Let me just preface with saying that I was in the Laptop Program starting in the sixth grade, and we’ve only ever had Macs, so… Anyway, I’ve had a few of these (currently on my MacBook Air: shout-out to being the lightest thing my tiny, chopstick arms have ever had the pleasure of carrying) and I must admit that I’m a huge fan. I feel like Apple employees just hang out around college campuses (in a totally non-creepy way) and simply observe us kids. They probably turn to each other and say, “Jim, what do you suppose these wonderful, hard-working students need?” Jim mulls it over for a moment, then replies, “I know! They need an app that will store all the pictures they’ve ever taken on their current phone and have them pop up whenever they plug said phone into the laptop!” Or something way more sophisticated than that. Macs just have that sexy college vibe that we want in our technology. I’m a fan.

2. Laptops that aren’t Macs.

They’re black and heavy sometimes?????? My brother uses it to play a whole bunch of computer games I don’t understand????? What is that little blue dot thing on the track pad?????? THEY’RE SO HEAVY?????? Why is the charger so huge????? It looks like an angry snake?????? IT’S HARD TO TYPE ON THEM??????

(Keep in mind… I’ve only ever had Macs.)

3. Cell phones that are iPhones.

Eleven-year-old me would never have believed that I would ever have owned something so amazing. I don’t even feel like I need to explain iPhones because I’m pretty sure most of you either have them or know how they work. That little thing holds most of my life inside of it. I have an app to calculate how much tip I should leave at a restaurant. I have an app that notifies me when my professors put up new documents/instructions/what have you on Blackboard (one of our school’s resource websites). I have an app that tells me how long the wait times are for the rides at Disneyland. AND ALL THAT TECHNOLOGY FITS IN THE PALM OF MY HAND. How does that even happen?

4. Cell phones that are not iPhones.

I’ve actually seen/heard many good things about Androids and such. Some of them scare me a little (there are no emojis, just a tiny green alien guy that comes up every time my mom uses “:-)” in a text to me?) but they seem almost more professional than iPhones are. A friend of mine called these other phones the “Blackberries of today,” and seeing as some of those phones ARE Blackberries, I guess it makes sense. My mom had an Android for a few months (she couldn’t figure it out and my brother and I were absolutely useless because all we know is the iPhone) and she enjoyed it. Her biggest complaint was that there were “too many noises” and she “didn’t know how to make them go away.” You’ve got to answer the phone, momma. I promise, the ringing will stop. No mom, that’s the ring tone YOU chose.

5. Kindles/Nooks/Reading Tablets.

These things are so cool, I wish I owned one. I’m actually torn between them and real books because I absolutely love real books, but these are mobile devices that you can bring WHEREVES and read a whole bunch of books instead of being fourteen-year-old me who thought she was cool and brought ten books (including two Harry Potters) in a plastic bag onto the beach in Hawaii. They’ll save wanna-be nerds everywhere from embarrassing themselves.

6. iPads.

I feel like Apple decided they needed something in between the computer and the phone, so they made like a skinny, flat-screen TV of a computer/phone that you can carry around. My roommate has one, but she barely uses it. I feel like you should pick between having a laptop and having an iPad (unless you need a lot of space to store all of you crap???? PROFESSIONAL MAYBE????? Or you lead a double life and can’t risk your wife knowing about your second family in Pensacola????) because they’re basically the same thing, one of them just completely disappears when you turn it sideways.

7. iPods/iTouches.

When I go back to my hometown, sometimes I run into you at the bottom of my old desk drawer. I miss you, come back into my life.

8. Hi-Tech Digital Cameras.

If you have one of these, I just assume you’re a famous and professional photographer and I WILL pose in front of you until you take my picture.

9. Motorized Water Tooth-Picks.

My roommate has one. It’s supposed to take the place of flossing. It pushes water really fast into your mouth?? Idk man, it makes a super funny sound and she makes a really fun face while doing it.

10. Microscopic, Undetectable Listening Devices.

Spy on your enemies without shame. This is perhaps the most important of all the devices.

I’m so glad we live in a century in which I can pretend I know everything about sports with a push of a button. Thanks for making that possible, smart people of the world.