Megan Simpson's Writing Portfolio

So, I feel like by now, you guys should know two facts for sure about me:

1. Food. 2. I’m not an expert about anything.

Believe me, I know I’m not the advice-giver of the century. Most of the time I don’t even take my own advice, so why should you? I’m casting a pretty wide net with these list posts, partly because I want to appeal to the widest variety of you all, and partly because I’m super average and I’m probably exactly like the majority of college kids out there. I hope my advice is entertaining to you in some way, even if you’re laughing at my generic-ness and/or taste in everything. Maybe that will be one of the ways you can help push yourself to summer?

ANYWAY, Panthers, Punxsutawney Megan has seen her shadow, are there are officially eight more weeks of winter (erm, spring semester), so zip up those NorthFaces and secure those Uggs because that means eight more weeks of papers, tests, presentations, and working out to fit into your summer bikini. Chapman, here’s how to make it to summer… according to me, anyway.

1. Play the game where you scare your roommate every single time she or he comes home from class. Do it until they put orange juice in your cereal or shave off one of your eyebrows whilst you sleep.
2. Stand outside your dorm building and throw little pieces of Caf cookies at random windows until someone opens the blinds. Bonus points if the window is open and it goes straight into the room.
3. Print out flyers for a fake party at a random public place, put them on the windshield of every car in the dorm parking lot, go to the aforementioned place, and put a Build-A-Bear doll with a bowtie and a little balloon on the ground. Now hide and watch how people react.
4. Put alcohol in your alcohol and then drink that alcohol (responsibly.)
5. Dress up as your favorite cartoon characters for a week straight. When people ask why, simply say it’s “for a class.” If they press you for further information, moonwalk away. If you cannot moonwalk, you must acquire Moon Shoes so you can moon bounce away.
6. Social experiment: obtain a raft by any means necessary (blow up, wooden, it matters not). Don a sailors costume (I suppose this part is optional) and place your raft in one of Chapman’s fountains, then yourself into the raft. When people walk by, scream “SHE’S TAKING ON WATER!” and start bailing small amounts of water out of the raft. If people jump in and try to help, they’re SWEET. If they laugh or walk awkwardly away, they’re SOUR.
7. Re-listen to Asher Roth’s “I Love College” to remind yourself why we’re all still here. Yeah, it’s been a while since someone brought up that song, huh? Bet you didn’t see that coming.
8. Go shopping and pick out fancy hats for all of the busts on campus. Make sure to get Albert Schweitzer a hat that makes him look like he’s either going to the Kentucky Derby or the Royal Wedding. We all know he’s the fanciest.
9. Study.

We’ll be there, someday… if we can be strong. Just eight more weeks, friends. Eight more weeks.