Megan Simpson's Writing Portfolio

Hey party people. I’m officially and full-flegedly (yeah I’m making that a word) BACK. The immediate shock of graduation has finally worn off to a level that I can function as a normal human being and I am back in action.

Granted, for the last few days, I’ve barely left my apartment, but that doesn’t mean I’m not fully-functioning inside this little space! Oh, the clothes I’ve hung up! Oh, the food I’ve put away! Oh, the things I’ve thrown in the hallway closet because I don’t really know why I have them but I’m a hoarder so I can’t throw them away!

No but really, I’ve been applying to jobs and registering for classes and shopping for furniture online, so it’s not like I’ve just been laying around watching Catfish all day because that would be silly even though yes, I am consistently watching Catfish. That show is so addicting. Why didn’t I major in that?

I promise, this whole week wasn’t a total bust. On Wednesday, I got my ass back to Orange because I missed Jordan’s birthday and we had to go to Disneyland to celebrate. We rode the updated Matterhorn, took great faux-mountain-climbing pictures and drank some wine: so like, the stuff Jordan and I normally do. Of course, it wouldn’t have been a Jordan pow-wow session without airing our grievances about other people and our deteriorated love lives, so that happened as well. When I got back to our Orange home base after Disney (in case you’re wondering, home base is now The Charter House AKA Conner’s old house AKA Michael, Jason, and Jordan’s old house AKA Michael’s house, because it’s the only place we have left to go now) some of the idiots and I packed up my car and headed down to visit Conner in Carlsbad (for blogging continuity, we’re referring to Carlsbad as San Diego, so deal with it). Chu, Matt, Kalyn, and I played car games and I played my Taylor Swift CD for them.

“Is this at least her most recent album?” asked Chu.

“No. I got this in high school. It’s been in my CD player for six years.”

“Ugh. Great.” He has been looking forward to hearing Bad Blood, I could just tell. But Matt was into it. To everyone’s general surprise, Kalyn said nothing. Not a single word. He usually talks so much. And his voice is so high-pitched. It was weird. If you can’t tell, all of this is sarcasm. Because Kalyn’s pretty quiet. And his voice is like James Earl Jones level deep. That was comedy, you uncultured swine.

We pre-gamed the bars with wine and beer at Conner’s parents’ house, and I must say, I’ve never felt a bigger need to tone it down than sitting in that beautifully-manicured kitchen, sipping wine from an actual glass, and looking at all of the framed pictures of Conner as a very small child. It was almost chilling. Anyway, we went out and hopped around to maybe four or five different bars (I had a Long Island and a shot or two at each of them so my memory starts fading around bar three) and then we got Mexican food. I remember eating two giant burritos and a side of rice. I passed out on Conner’s bed. Sorry, big.

We returned to Orange in the morning, and Chu and I played a rousing game of Would You Rather (other idiots asleep in the back) and I think we found one of the best websites for Would You Rather questions. All of them were, of course, very inappropriate, but I expect nothing less from Chu at this point. Upon our return to home base, we were met by the open arms and warm smiles of Jason and LD. Lol jk they were playing mortal combat.

After an hour or so of watching them play video games and having to deal with the parking enforcement ladies, I was informed that the idiots (in this case, Matt, Chu, Michael, Jason, Kalyn, and LD) wanted to go hiking, and I decided to tag along. We went through a canyon and drove up a pretty steep road to get to the top of this mountain in Laguna, and I swear, you could see most of Orange County from up there. There was a period of time when Michael, Matt, and I sat on a rock for an hour straight just looking out on everything. It got way existential. I ruined it by asking really awful Would You Rather questions, but hey, I’m the only girl so I can get away with shit like that. I talked Matt and Michaels’ ears off at one point. They didn’t seem to mind.

When we got back, we ordered a pizza and watched Game 1 of the NBA finals (Go Warriors, as if there were a question) and we just couldn’t stop commenting on how just absolutely HUGE these guys were. I think every few minutes another one of us would say, “But like LOOK at him. And look at the OTHER guy.”

“Steph Curry looks like a small child next to them and he’s taller than every guy in this room.” -Kalyn

“LeBron looks like he could destroy me with his pinky.” -Me

“*Mumbling about basketball*” -Chu

Then we all got drunk. Then Kimaya brought her parents to the house. Then we couldn’t stay at the house. Then we wandered the streets of Orange. Then we went to Kyle’s house. Then we played King’s Cup. Then I played with Kyle’s dog. Then we went back to home base. Then the boys all set up their sleeping bags in a cute little row on the ground. Then I just stayed on the couch, hoping no one would notice or say anything. Then no one said anything. Then I decided I was just going to sleep on the couch. Then we watched Power Rangers Turbo until we fell asleep.

The next day, I sped back to LA to meet with the guy that bestows WiFi in people’s apartments, and he did just that. And now I have the internet. Then I got to spend the night with Alex on her last night in LA, and I got to hang onto her until she left the house for the airport in the morning. I’m so proud of her. I know she’s going to do great things. Also, her new closet in Oregon is the size of my bedroom in my apartment. “Blessed.” -Alex Biston.

I love all of my idiots. I hope Chu, Matt, and Jason are being safe on the Mexican cruise right now (“We don’t need to run super fast, we just need to outrun Matt.” -Chu) and I hope Alex has been to Bed Bath and Beyond enough times in the last two days to never go again in her life. Though, she’ll probably go anyway. Because everyone loves the Big BB&B. I love my friends. Orange, I’ll see you again real soon.

As Iliza Shlesinger once said, “The weekend is very important. The weekend represents the 48 hours you have to wreck the life that you create for yourself the rest of the week.”

-Megan