Ava & Lena Aren't Lesbians

3/11/14

Int. Small House – Day

 

A young college student, AVA, is sitting on a couch, perked up, seemingly waiting for something. She is staring at the front door. The DOOR OPENS and her roommate LENA walks through, looking tired. She SITS down on the couch next to AVA without a word.

 

AVA

Okay, where were you?

 

LENA

They kept me late because some dickhead wanted pie like so fucking bad he couldn’t wait until tomorrow so obviously I had to wait around until they made another one and serve it.

 

AVA

You spat in it, didn’t you?

 

LENA

I licked it.

 

AVA

Licked it?

 

LENA

It was good pie and I was pissed. I also chugged like half the beer he ordered. Asshole.

 

AVA

Okay wait, you didn’t actually do that, did you?

 

LENA

I know it looks gross, but they really are apples in there even though that newspaper said they were painted Styrofoam…

 

AVA

No, not the pie. You didn’t actually drink beer, did you?

 

 

LENA

Yeah, definitely did that.

 

Ava turns to face Lena, trying to take a motherly tone.

 

AVA

Lena, you’re pregnant. You can’t drink. I thought you knew that.

 

LENA

I know that. I didn’t really think it mattered.

 

AVA

Okay, look. I know you don’t want to have this baby-

 

LENA

Please don’t talk like it’s a living thing. It’s barely even living, it’s been like-

 

AVA

It’s been eight and a half weeks.

 

LENA

Whatever. You know I’m never going to go through with actually, like… you know.

 

AVA

I know your parents are going to freak the fuck out, I get that, and I don’t even know what Seth is going to think.

 

LENA

We’re not going to talk about Seth.

 

AVA

The point is that…

(pause)

I really think you could do this.

 

Lena stares at Ava for a few seconds.

 

AVA (cont.)

I think that maybe we could do this.

 

LENA

What the fuck are you talking about?

 

 

 

AVA

I mean, we can do this! We can! You’ve always said that kids were in your future-

 

LENA

FUTURE, Ava. Like… when I’m thirty! I just turned twenty-one!

 

AVA

Lee, listen to me. I’ve been researching all this. Every testimonial from women our age that had abortions, like, severely regretted it later in life. Like they could have had this amazing opportunity that they passed up just because it looks bad socially.

 

LENA

That doesn’t sound like-

 

AVA

And this isn’t 16 and Pregnant! We’re adults! We make money… both of us! We’re a double-income household with a stable relationship and neither of us have any serve mental issues.

 

LENA

How much have you thought about this?

 

AVA

You know, just here and there. Lena, we’re the perfect couple to raise a baby.

 

LENA

Hon, we are not a couple.

 

AVA

We could be!

 

(Lena stares, bewildered)

 

No, not like… romantically. Just, you know… two best friends…

 

LENA

Raising a child.

 

AVA

Yes! All responsibilities shared! We already share housework and all that. Why not?

LENA

You realize that you sound insane. I’m not so sure about that “no mental problems” thing.

 

AVA

Lena, I am completely sane. Listen to me.

 

(she leans in)

 

We both know your parents won’t let you abort this baby. We are capable people. We could do this.

 

Lena takes a long pause, obviously pondering the offer.

 

LENA

What about school?

 

AVA

What about it? We have really different schedules anyway…

 

LENA

And work? My shifts vary every week and you’re in the office all the time.

 

AVA

I can work from home. I already checked with Andrew.

 

LENA

(pause)

You’ve put way too much thought into this.

 

AVA

Maybe a little. But I really think it could work! If all else fails, I’m sure we can find a babysitter…

 

LENA

I can’t believe we are actually talking about this.

 

AVA

You’re the one that is always saying that every new challenge is an opportunity in disguise. I always say that God only gives you what you can handle.

 

LENA

When have you-

 

 

 

AVA

This is our chance to take one more step into independent womanhood. This kid is going to get so much love and support and she or he will get a father figure or two soon enough.

 

LENA

I’m NOT marrying Seth.

 

AVA

I’m not saying that. I’m saying both of us will eventually get married and that shouldn’t be, like, forever down the road.

(pause)

Tell me honestly that you’re not considering it.

 

LENA

(pause)

It sounds so fucking crazy, but yeah, I am.

 

AVA

That’s all I ask.

 

Ava STANDS and begins to walk toward the kitchen.

 

LENA (after her)

I’m not making any promises.

 

Ava stops walking for a moment.

 

AVA

I know you’re not.

 

Close-up on Ava’s face.

 

AVA (voice over)

And that’s when I knew that we were officially pregnant.